I was hungry. I was alone. I was desperate. I fired up the Swiggy app. I scrolled down. I found the Red Velvet Cheese Cake Paratha. I knew then that I had stumbled on something special. something potentially life altering. Something unique
There are times when we come to a crossroad in our lives. We are forced with a choice. A irrevocable decision. A judgement that will dictate out path forwards. Forever.
This was one of those times. My life thus far flashed before my eyes and drawing from the many years of experience I had on this planet I made my decision. I called a friend and together we headed out – our destination Paranthe Walli Gally , Southern Avenue – home of the Red Velvet Cheesecake Paratha.
So what exactly is a Red Velvet Cheese Cake Paratha? ( RVCCP from now)
It is a dessert paratha.
What is a dessert paratha?
Its something that shouldn’t exist.
The RVCCP’s architecture is like any other stuffed paratha you might have tried. It is a flour based flatbread that is fried until its the most greasy shade of beige, stuffed with something minced or mashed to give it body and flavour, served with a cold bowl of curd and tangy, spice achar. This is where similarities end.
The first thing we noticed as the waiter approached our table with the dessert paratha were white globules almost completely obscuring the the actual paratha. These globules themselves were streaked with red ( possibly very sweet) syrup. The whole thing had the effect of an UFO re imagined by an unhinged impressionist.
Steeling our nerves, conscious that our lives would never be the same again, we dug in.
The white globules, from what we could make out, were scoops of cream cheese and whipped cream. The red syrup on top – fruit jam. One would probably , quite mistakenly, assume that the combination of cream, cheese and jam blend harmoniously with one another, creating the gastronomical equivalent of a beautiful, yet exotic, cruise through the Caribbean. It instead has the same effect that the 4th Pirates movie had on your intelligence – except in your mouth.
What came after was even more terrifying. We had reached the paratha proper.
The paratha itself was quite tough, most likely due to what it was stuffed with. Instead of being stuffed, like any sane flatbread in its species, with either aloo , gobi or even keema, the RVCCP is stuffed with cake.
Words cant describe the effect finding cake stuffed in your paratha has on the fragile mind of a human being. It tastes just wrong, and its not just the sweetness of the paratha that is at odds with the oddly tough paratha – the texture does not work out either.
The stuffing for paratha can be gooey and messy or it can be clean and simple. However, no matter what, the stuffing must complement the paratha in such a way that the bread becomes a meal in itself. The first rule to achieving this is that the stuffing must not make the already dry paratha any dryer. The RVCCP fails this completely.
The dry, sandy cake together with a very dry and tough paratha forces you to either gulp it down with a glass of water or eat it with the cream/cheese/jam globules in one big mouthful. I recommend the former.
Life is a series of experiences – good , bad , mundane and unique. Each experience helps us grow as people. The RRCCP was one such experience. It touched us, it changed u, but let us never speak of it again.
TL;DR – Bad decision. Don’t try.